I believe the story goes something like this.

A guy I work with--his name is Adam--is a new member of Hooac and plays WAR because he's a hate monger.  Anyway, I digress.  This fellow--you remember Adam, don't you?--has been with us for a couple of months and happened to logon to his shadow warrior one early afternoon to engage in the ranged owning of the forces of Destruction.  Not finding any quarry this particular afternoon, Adam's level 21 Shadow Warrior (who we'll call "Geldana" for the sake of shielding the actual name of his character) decided to follow up on a rumor.

The rumor was that in Keeps you own, there are merchants on the top floor that sell renown gear that's different than you find in warcamps.  Don't question me on this--Hooac is not in the business of exposing the truthfulness or lack thereof of of of rumors; we are merely gentle agents of falsehood, terror, debauchery, and hittin' paralyzed bitches cuz we can wreck that shit and they wouldn't know it.*  So he followed up on it, as any reasonable terrorist would.  Alas, his informant was truthful--obviously not a member of Hooac--and Geldana began to satisfy his thirst for medium armor as though a ravenous lion or prostitute.  Or a ravenous lion eating a prostitute.  Or a prostitute doing crack on the ass of a dead-and-formerly-ravenous lion.  Serious famishment here, folks.  The rest I give to you, in poem:


When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, he sprang from the merchants to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

"Hark!  Destruction," he said. "N'ere the doors of mine House!  They intend to do me wrongly, their mantra doth espouse.

A rauccous calamity hast befallen our gates.  There will be no assistance; the rally call'd prove too late."

So to whence did Geldana's might and courage flee?  Through which door did he escape to save his booty?

Through no door, dear friends, did our hero find respite, for he stood his ground first by...afk-ing a bit.

Leaving his tool of control and navigation may sound a bit to you as a mite of frustration.

But there is a fact here I have yet to disclose; they'd mustered only eight people, so the process was slow.

Decades passed, it seemed, but in reality the time was ten minutes before the gates fell to that Slime.

And Geldana's stand was prepared not in might, but in auspicious silence by remaining out of sight

Tween the second and third floors of the Keep he did lie in wait to defend his Lord and not die.

As Destruction trickled in, feeble numbers in track, they surely believed this an unchallenged attack.

As a shadowy warrior--hey, so aptly named!--Geldana readied his bow and steadied his aim.

Before he unleashed his arrows, he first did the math.  Then once spotting the healers, he unleashed his wrath.

Before they were aware, the first healer was down.  The second fell next, boosting Geldana's renown.

By the time the third fell, his thirst for blood had flowed through his senses--an endorphinal flood.

Using his area of effect arrows slyly, they fell one by one, Geldana's eyes growing wiley.

The aggressors were unaware he was wrenching their plans, thinking it was the Keep Lord filling their vaginas with sand.

Their combat logs would reveal what they discovered too late--that Geldana's efforts reduced their party of eight

to only a miniscule four by his work done thus far and none of those remaining fought still unscarred.

So he scanned those not dead and sought out his prey--the one in the room who'd suffered most from the fray.

And this is where our hero's story takes a bit of a turn.  His certain victory obscured the lesson to be learned.

For as Destruction fell he became less and less nervous, and the gods wryly smiled as his bolts betrayed his purpose.

You see, the experience, renown, and influcence piled up all the while and he'd neglected to monitor his experience dial.

When his arrow struck true and his fletching proved flawless, the kill dinged him 22, and he was deemed lawless.

You must understand the rules of this game to grasp the pure richness of Geldana's shame.

He'd been defending a Tier 2 keep and he indeed kept it free, but at rank 22 you must attend to Tier 3.

Interfering with noobs on said noobs' land turns you into a chicken and unable to withstand

even one small point of damage, for then you will die, so Geldana retreated to the floor n'ere the sky.

The remaining Destruction saw the battle as over and jumped from the walls, but since they can't hover,

They fell to their deaths, bodies wrent with their shame, victims of ignominy and a shadow warrior by the name

of Geldana the Brave, or Geldana the Silent, or Geldana the Mangina Chicken, for as it went,

he buck-buck-bruckaaawed his way down the stairs, pecking--err, picking--up some gear as his wares.

He made off from that Keep with two blues and a green, in addition to tokens he pilfered from the scene.

And this is how Geldana's tale ends, and how Hooac's WAR story--in its own way--begins.

Our tales such as this one are currently few, but that is because we need one from you.



* Disclaimer: Not all of us are into hittin' paralyzed bitches.  Wyrick is though, and that's why he plays EQ2 and (as I'm sure you already guessed) works for the State of Virginia.